Shattered Glass
by TheGreatMatsutzu
Summary: Fox reflects on how his life has turned out after the events of SF Command. ONESHOT.


_**Shattered Glass**_

(Or "Lies, Problems and the Wine Family")

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_AN: A Star Fox Fanfic drabble I wrote sometime after I finished SF Command. I got to thinking about Fox's feelings after the default ending. It's written from Fox's POV, and displays the mind of someone in despair. This was a challenge, as it's the first time I've ever written in character. Thank you to Basil-Ovelby, who commented on this story at DA. You really gave me some more confidence with this one ._

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Sitting there in the darkness, I began to wonder why it felt so empty. Perhaps it's because it's dark. Why turn on the lights? I'm the only one here right now; it would just be a waste of energy. With as slow as job prospects have been in the past month or so, things may end up being a little tight.

Darn you, Falco. Why'd he make us stop here at Papetoon? There's no reason he couldn't get the supplies he needed somewhere else. Truth be told, I kinda dislike being so far from Lylat. The only time I tend to leave the system is to participate in that silly Smash Tournament and I've been questioning if I should even do that the next time it rolls around.

But I don't miss Lylat. I don't miss anything or anyone.

At least that's what I tell myself.

And, it's a lie.

These days, I don't mind lies. I used to despise them, the very fiber of my being resolved to dislike their nature. Lies are a disconnect to our very souls. When we're not being truthful, we're not only deceiving others, we're deceiving ourselves. Someone told me that once. It might have been Dad. I doubt it was Mom, she never got too philosophical with me, she just wanted me to try my best and be happy. Most of life's important lessons came to me from Ace pilot, James McCloud.

I'm sorry, Dad. I'm at the point now what I want to deceive myself. If I lie to myself, I can pretend my life hasn't shattered in a million pieces. Like I'm not here all alone on this enormous vessel, trying to pick up the pieces of my life that has been forcefully ripped apart. I think of my life that way, as a puzzle that has been broken apart but can never be whole again, because some of the pieces are gone forever.

You're one of them, Dad. I still see you from time to time on the battlefield, and the others think I'm crazy. Maybe they're right. But, maybe it's because I want you there, fighting along with me. After all of these years, I still haven't accepted your death 100.

Now other pieces have scattered as well. Peppy and Slippy aren't coming back this time. While I'm happy for the both of them, I can't help but miss them. Peppy's achieved the status we both know he deserves, and Slippy's found happiness with Amanda. I'm jealous in a way, but I hope the two of you all the best, Slip...

Falco has been hanging around though. I can't imagine why. He had left again for a time, but came back. He probably needs money, or is avoiding Katt again. I haven't heard from Bill in ages. I saw him briefly during the Anglar conflict, but there was certainly no opportunity to reminisce about old times.

And then there's her...

Krystal.

I shook my head. I don't miss her.

I'm trying to believe the lie, you see.

It seems like I need help in that department. Getting off from the stool at the kitchen counter, I slowly walk toward the refrigerator. Pulling open its door, my eyes close at first as the light from the glass bulb within shines through my corneas. It's the only light in the room. I open them, adjusting to the change and smile sardonically, like the light represents that within lies the answer to all my problems.

Of course, that's a lie too. In the end, it's just a tool to help me forget. In a way, it's just like the lies I've been telling myself the past week.

I've never been a drinker. Occasionally, I'll have a beer at a party or a glass of wine during a fancy dinner. However, lately when Falco's been out during the nighttime, I've been knocking back a few. Not too much, mind you. I don't want Falco to realize. Usually I sneak two or three beers. But tonight, what the hell do I care?

I grab the case of wine Peppy presented us, along with other things, after the Anglar invasion was quelled. Both Star Fox and Star Wolf were renowned as heroes after the incident. For a job well done, we get money and booze. Great. As if they both solve life's problems.

They don't solve them, but I suppose they make life easier.

After I sit back down, I grab the first of six bottles and pop off the cork. The wine is more than likely a cheap one, but I don't care. I'm not picky; I've never had a taste for alcohol. If it will drown out my thoughts, I'm all for it. Who cares about the taste?

It's amazing... how soon people forget. A month ago, we were being heralded as heroes. Now, no one cares. We don't get job offers anymore. I suppose it's because things are quiet… at least, that's Peppy's excuse. Well, maybe I'm being too harsh. I know the old hare would like nothing more than to help us find work, I really do. But there's just nothing out there, and you would think there would be. At least you'd think there'd be a job helping rescue survivors from the wreckage of the demolished cities the Anglars attacked. I frowned. Then again, that's not the work a mercenary is best suited for, is it?

At that, I took a big swig from the bottle. The alcohol was cold, but burned as it went down my throat. At least it got my mind away from my thoughts for a moment.

I wonder if Star Wolf is having similar difficulties. Wolf hasn't made an attempt to go after me in quite some time. Maybe he's forgotten all about me and our rivalry. Maybe like the rest, he just doesn't care anymore. After all, they got what they wanted out of this whole mess. Wolf, Panther and Leon all got those ridiculous bounties cleared. They can now roam the universe as free men. People won't automatically view them as villains. Not to mention, Panther got what he wanted most too...

Krystal.

Darn alcohol; do something for me, will ya? I threw the bottle across the counter in frustration. It connected against the wall with a large crashing sound. I didn't care. Let the shards of glass scatter across the room and hit the floor. Let some of the pieces get lost in air grates, never to be recovered. Let what little remained inside the bottle splash out like blood from a gunshot wound. I don't care anymore. I'm not going to clean up the mess. How can I, when my life is exactly like that bottle is at this moment... not repairable.

That bottle is me.

Damn you, Panther. I knew that pervert was trouble as soon as we met in Sargasso. Oogling, growling and panting at Krystal like some sort of over-sexed beast. It was shameless, it was disgusting. He'd probably had hundreds of women with the way he played up to her that day. She's probably in his arms right now...

I uncorked the next bottle and took a swig from it, afterwards gasping for breath. I'd like to have at her precious Panther right now, right here. To punch that arrogant cat straight in that haughty face with so much force I'd send him to the ground. I'd love to stomp his face flat with my boot and watch him writhe in pain. We'd see how interested Krystal would be in Caroso then.

I let the bottle roll away from me as I began to work on uncorking number three. Not enough, it's just hasn't been enough to squelch these thoughts. In the end, I'm my own worst enemy.

I suppose a weaker man would consider doing himself in after his life fell apart this way. Thank God, I can say this for myself... I've never been that weak. Even now, no thoughts of suicide enter my mind. I'm not so far gone that I'd shoot my face in with my blaster. No, my true penance is to live, to endure the suffering I have forced myself into.

After all, it's all my fault. I forced her off the team. Since then, nothing has been right. Even when she came back and I reinstated her, things never felt like they were. The look in her eyes when I talked to her, which admittedly in her time back was slim, was gone. I had betrayed her; I had doubted her as a warrior. What did it feel like, Krystal? Did you feel like I had torn your clothes off in front of the whole team, displaying your nakedness to them all, to prove to them you were a woman? That you were unlike the rest of us? With that, I might have well brutalized her, what with the damage I had done when I told her one little word... _resign_.

_Resign._

_RESIGN!_

"DAMN IT!!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.

There was no one to hear. I heard a crashing sound as Number Three joined its brother Number One on the floor past the counter. I hardly remember throwing it. My eyes were burning, and my vision was getting a little hazy. I reached over to the cardboard pack and pulled Number Four out. He's to join the fate of his three brothers. He'd be demolished somehow, crushed against the wall and lying broken on the ground like One and Three, or bled dry like Number Two.

Heh, I was thinking in riddles. I felt a smile creep up on my face as I took a drink. I liked it. I felt a certain euphoria fall over me, almost like the feeling during fantastic sex. I was getting distracted, I was forgetting all about her, all about the problems in my life that had all chosen to gang up on me now in my darkest hour. Let them flow away; let them be carried off in a stream of red wine.

But they'd return, dear God they'd always come back. The Wine Brothers would strong arm them away, but once their time was up… the problem gang would be back.

Although confusing and disorienting, I didn't like where this train of thought was going. I let go of Number Four, which was now empty. It rolled back toward me and off past by elbow. I suddenly heard it crash as it fell off the counter, the opposite side of where two of his brothers lay in shards. Such was his fate.

I pulled out Number Five from the carton. All that remained in the safe haven was Number Six. I got the sense that Number Five was different from the previous four as I wrestled with it's cork. Number Five was like a woman. Stubborn. Yeah, she was the only sister in the Wine Family. Number Five would be my lover tonight, I thought sardonically as I raised my lips to hers, as I finally had removed the cork and tossed it away.

All I thought about was Number Five as I drank in all she had to offer. No other thoughts entered my mind. I was just enjoying the taste of the wine. Not once did I even consider all of my other problems, no, Number Four had done his sister the great service to drive them away so I could be alone with her. My lips never left the rim of the bottle as I continually drank, feeling the warm liquid melt down my throat. Now that I thought about it, One and Two had been cold, Three slightly chilly and Four lukewarm. Number Five was positively radiating with warmth. I leaned my head back to tilt the liquid within forward so I could have better access to it. Oh, ecstasy.

Suddenly, there was no longer the taste of wine. I pulled my lips away and glanced at Number Five in my hand. She was spent. I thanked her from the bottom of my heart for the great service and gingerly laid her down next to Number Two. I ran my index finger along her frame and said my silent farewell.

I turned toward Number Six. Of all in the group, he frightened me the most. There was something forbidden in going toward him, and it sent an absolute chill through my spine and down into my tail.

I reached down to my belt and unbuckled it, letting it fall off to the side, and slightly undid my zipper. My pants were feeling uncomfortably tight around my waist. At this moment, all I wanted was more to drink, and the discomfort was distracting me to no end. I reached up to my muzzle with my right hand, and with my fingers and thumb felt with a sweeping motion from the tip of my nose back toward my neck. My fur felt strangely rigid and harsh, not to mention slightly sticky. I didn't recognize the feeling at all.

I looked over toward Number Six and reached out toward him slowly. Something was holding me back still. He was something I wanted... but didn't want. My brow furrowed at this. It didn't make any sense. How could I want something so badly... but not want it at all? The fathom of the mind's reasoning is puzzling, especially that of an intoxicated one. Still, I contemplated this. I took a deep breath, and grabbed Number Six like I was wrestling against him, as if I was fighting against him for my very life, my very soul.

I ripped off the cork and thrust the final bottle into my mouth. The liquid felt like searing pain this time, and my vision blacked out for a moment. Something in the back of my head felt like it exploded. I pulled away, shocked. What was Number Six trying to do to me? Did he intend to kill me?

No, Number Six wanted something. He wanted control. No. I had to show Number Six that I was the dominant one, that he and his entire family were all under my will this whole time. They were to help me forget, I was not serving them. It was their job to help ME. I forcefully drank another swig, throwing my head back to take in as much as I could. The pain in the back of my head intensified. The pain was searing, the room began spinning...

I realized it then, although it was too late. Number Six was the speaker of truth. It was his job to tell me what was really going on here. I hadn't hired the Wine Family to drive away the tormentors that were the Problems. No, it was all a lie. In reality, the Wine Family and the Problems used me. It was I who was satiating their desires by falling into their trap. The two had a mutually beneficial arrangement-- The Wine Family would become the possessors of my body while the Problems were then ensured that I would not fight against them. And, I, like a fool, was running away from them, using my lies to escape them and running into the Wine Family's eager embrace. It was Number Six's job to let me know all this, to let me know that their job was done... and they had won.

I suddenly felt like a frightened child. I was trapped here all alone with the Wine Family; I had played right into their clutches. I knew not who they were, they were strangers to me. Even now, they weren't truly dead at all. Their shells had remained behind (albeit three of them shattered), but they lived on, inside of me.

I felt a violent pull within me then. All of the members of the Wine Family were coming back. I was theirs now; they could do with me what they would. I had signed their contract in blood; I had sacrificed their bodies in exchange for my own.

The mixture of solace and pleasure that I had experienced with them going down the first time was nothing compared to the searing pain and anguish they made while coming back up. The Wine Family had had their fun pleasing me and now intended to have fun in torturing me. With great force they left my body, tearing against the insides of my stomach and throat. My mind felt like it was going to burst as the pain exploded in my head... one thousand times worse than it had been previously.

A multitude of colors flashed before my eyes, dizzying me to what seemed like no end. Then, all was blackness.


End file.
